Monday, August 2, 2010

Mountains

Sometimes life gives you some lemons and you can make lemonade, however every once in awhile it gives you a mountain that seems impossible to get over or around, so we have to count on God to help us, or carry us over. I am at that point at this time, and it is because of something I have no control at all. I have prayed for peace and serenity to accept the things I cannot change, but it is hard to accept things you cannot understand. I have loved and accepted all of my children and grandchildren and the great new little ones. I consider myself to be a broadminded person, with a lot of compassion for people and loved ones, but when someone you love and have loved so much takes a road that is a road or a path you do not understand or find hard to accept, it becomes an impossible task. I have read what the church has said about the situation and I still am in the most difficult place in life, that I don't know what path I am to follow. I do know that my job as a parent is to love with a Christ like love and support of the person involved, however I find myself wondering about my ability to do this and make no judgement and without reservations love the sinner and hate the sin. I think this may come like the song that says I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord, I'll do what you want me to do, but please help me to do what I find so hard . I think by far this has been the hardest year that I have had to live through, and I truly believe we are living in the last days, when men's and womens hearts will fail them. I know that Satan is running rampant over this world at this time. I feel that my heart is truly failing me. I believe this is the time of life when we have to be on guard and do what the Prophet says and read our scriptures, keep all of our covenants and pray so we can stay close to the Lord so that Satan has no power over us, if we aren't constantly on guard with the Lord at our side we will be caught up in the world, and go the way that Satan wants so he can cast us upon the wind and scatter us and we can be lost in just a few moments. My heart hurts for all of the terrible things that have come to pass and cast another family upon the wind to be tossed to and fro, so carelessly upon the earth to where they wonder what their real moral compass is and what path to take, when things have been so mixed up for them these past few years. May we all remember that we are their family, and love and be there for them if they need us. I love and appreciate you all and may our Heavenly Father be always at your side.

9 comments:

Rebecca said...

Oh Grandma,
I love you so much. I'm so sorry for your frustration, confusion, and heartache. Agency is such a hard thing to accept when it hurts so many people. I'll be praying for you, everyone actually. I'm so grateful you are my grandma. My friend Steve asked me a few days ago where I get my voice from. He described how I talk really high, and then low, and go up and down, without rhyme or reason. I thought and thought and realized it's from you. I told him. He was surprised and asked if I spent a lot of time with you when I was little. I said tons and tons of time. I told him you were awesome and I loved you and you were the best and still are the best grandma around. Of course he liked that, and now he knows why I talk the way that I do. Which for some reason is important to him to know the whys behind meaningless things, like my hair style, my voice, ect. Love you grandma. Forever.

Danielle said...

Mom that was beautiful. It could have been an article in the Ensign. I love you so much. I tried to call yesterday, I will try again today.

Danielle said...

That was Sharon's comment above.

Grandma- I love you so much! You are an amazing woman. I'm excited to see you in a few days!!! Take care

Megan and Greg said...

I love you Grandma. I hope you and Grandpa and doing ok. It's ok to not be "perfect" about a new situation in your life right away. People aren't perfect and their feelings aren't perfect either. But you know what's right and you know what you need to do, so you'll get there with the Lord's help. Don't worry if it doesn't happen over night. It will happen. I love you and your heart is in the right place.

Carin said...

OH Nellie!! I love you too! I think that is one of the hardest trials of life....to control my emotions when those I love choose to do things I know will bring unhappiness and sorrow to them. I can do the loving part, but it brings such sadness and heartache to hear of their choices and then see their consequences and trials come to pass. I really struggle to remember that I have the blessings of the gospel and I need to be an example and be happy when I am so sad about others' choices! I am so grateful Heavenly Father loves us all, loves them more than I do, and will give them everything they need to choose their exaltation, if that is what they will choose. And He will respect their agency regardless. I try to be like that too. Just know we are all praying for you! All my love...

AMY AND MIKEY said...

oh grandma, I love you so much. I sometimes cannot believe the trials you and grandpa have had to face in your family. You are one of the strongest women I know, maybe the strongest. I could not imagine having to endure all the trials you have had to go through, I am so sorry you ahve to go through this. I know you, I know your heart, and you will do and say the right things in this situation. Mike and I were just talking about satan, and how we feel him everywhere- and how I feel surrounded by his evil at UofO, it is getting stronger and stronger, so I've realized I have to make myself stronger if i'm going to survive it, and I know we can both do it. I love you so much.

Lizzie said...

Grandma,
I'm so sorry. I cannot imagine being a parent and a grandparent in all of these situations that have happened in the last year. I have thought about you and Grandpa a lot these last few days, thinking, "seriously? how much do they have to go through?" You two must be so incredibly strong that Heavenly Father knows you can take it. You both are so amazing. AMAZING grandparents to all of us. Love you so much.

Sharon/Mom/ Grandma said...

Your blog sounds like several of my journal entries. It is a hard thing mom. I know someday we will all know where to put this, but as my friends say, "this is all still so new". That makes me feel good and comforts me. I know the Lord is aware, and will comfort us as we cling to him. It is weird, scripture study is often the hardest time. That is when I have to keep telling myself that I can't, and thankfully so, do final judgement. I know what is going on is wrong, but I have to just leave it at that, the alternative is too painful. I love you and dad so much. I ache for you, I know things like this are hardest on the spouse and the parents. I know how I feel so it makes me hurt even more for you. Take care.

Sharon/Mom/ Grandma said...

I forgot that I had already commented. My life has been crazy!! love you!!